Incredibly Thorough Responses To ALL Your ‘Last Jedi’ Gripes

Incredibly Thorough Responses To ALL Your ‘Last Jedi’ Gripes
Image from: Cracked.com

We're just lucky The Force Awakens didn't end with Rey finding Luke solemnly poking at cold spaghetti in a mall food court.

Read More: Cracked.com

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hardcore star, shit movie, actual good movie, minutes solo screen time, huge star, decent movie, jedi whine, awful movie,

Comments

  1. I freaking loved The Last Jedi! Whine all you want "Star Wars fans", but the movie was terrific. Don't like it, stop watching. Simple. Star Wars will be just fine without you! And the rest of us, actual fans, will be too!

  2. The fact that you need to write an article to explain away the film’s flaws, shows you why they are flaws.

    Also “Because Luke Skywalker is George Lucas.” Is not an excuse.

    Yes, fiction allows you to engage in metaphor. But that metaphor has to be consistent within its own logic, or else you’ve lost the point of what a metaphor is. When Luke has been established as a character who would could see the good in his own child-murdering father, it doesn’t make logical sense that he would so quick to attempt to murder his own nephew.

  3. I can't even take star wars fan complaints seriously. They could have put something out there that eclipsed empire strikes back, and theres 100% chance they still throw a fit

  4. I could take a close up video of a turd coming out of my asshole, call it star wars and it would still be better than The Last Jedi.

  5. This doesn't cover my gripes about the movie at all. 1 why did Luke have anakin's lightsaber as a projection when he didn't want it at all? Would have made more sense to have his green one. 2 the canto bight scene was a mess, no recognizable aliens. 3 the whole find the code breaker was meaningless

  6. The movie was about failure, right? Maybe Rian is playing the long con and made a poorly written movie so it would be a failure when compared to the other Star Wars movies. I finally get it.

  7. I hate anyone who has a problem with Leia force floating her way back to the ship. That shit was bad ass!!!

  8. This article doesn't have anything to say about the stupidity of the design of the bombers in the opening space fight. "All" gripes my ass.

  9. Jumping to lightspeed to head off someone at close range would more likely put you in another system and have to backtrack. In that time, they could jump somewhere else and by the time you figure out where they jumped from, the trail the Hyperspace tracker uses might be gone. Same as Star Trek’s Warp signatures being used to track lost ships. Eventually the trail dissipates.

  10. Okay. So I got a few gripes with a couple of these explinations. Droids capable of pushing a lever to make a hyperspace kamikaze would be very cheap, create a ship that is effectively a cockpit, engines and a very dense material for the fuselage, go to town with a droid aiming the ship at near warp speeds that will disable a ship, at least. As for Holdo not telling Poe, he may have been demoted but he is still among the higher ranked officers left, and it seems no one knows her plan, this will invariably lead to a mutiny since the commanding officer appears to have no plan and is, thus, incompetent

  11. 1. Since when does “running out of fuel” become a thing in the Star Wars universe? It never has before, all propulsion is reactor-based.
    2. Why don’t the Resistance ships just split up and hyperspace to different locations? Only one ship can be tracked (they established that) one ship would sacrifice itself for the fleet to escape.
    3. If the plan is to fly into Snoke’s ship while engaging hyperdrive, why not send a droid to pilot or remotely pilot an empty frigate into it? Same result, no command-level sacrifice.
    4. Rey and Kylo fight together and........nothing changes.
    5. Snoke has a mastery of the Force yet gets distracted by a fight to the point of being betrayed and killed? Really?
    6. Justice for Ackbar!!

  12. When I saw the movie in theaters I left somewhat confused on how I felt about it. I have my disappointments and things I would rather see. Watching reviews on it made me really start to hate it, but I bought the digital copy. Upon watching again, it wasn't so bad (although Kantobyte or whatever still sucks). It's fairly enjoyable after you get over TFA expectations. Hopefully the third one ties up all lose ends.

  13. Watched it fully expecting to see these flaws everyone was talking about, and I for one was surprised, However I felt this movie had a very weak musical score, and that will diminish everyone who watches perception of most of the movies actions and whatnot.

  14. All the movies made after the original three are mediocre at best.....but people keep paying to see any movie with "Star Wars" in the title so why would they stop (or actually take the time to make them good)?

  15. I care less about WHO Snoke was and more about WHERE he was. He's obviously not young and is extremely powerful in the force. And those scars, you don't get scars like that hiding in some basement somewhere. He must've been alive and active during the years of the Empire. The Emperor (and Vader, too) must have known him or about him. So, where was he? And Rose and Finn going to Canto Bight? I think Maz told them to go there and look for the guy with the flower in order for their story (their story, not the story) to unfold. Maybe their relationship wouldn't have turned romantic, or maybe one or both would've otherwise died, or maybe Captain Phasma wouldn't have died (if she did in fact die). Who knows?

  16. I have a better theory for hyper drive kamikaze. There are paths they calculate for safe travel, I think it is such an obvious tactic the space nav computers automatically compensate to avoid those routes. However the first order was so arrogant that in their overconfidence they simply ignored that threat.

  17. I think The “how it should have ended” version of the last Jedi, where they pretty much “gave the fans what they wanted” clinched it for me. A lot of the theories we had about the characters in force awakens were really dumb.

    Obi-Wan being Rey’s parent or grandparent/ Rey being a Skywalker takes ridiculous acrobatics to justify.

    When have we ever taken time out to give these over Boss emperor figures A backstory and in relation to what’s actually going on in the movie why does that even matter.

    Luke readily accepting Rey and training her then re-joining the war doesn’t make sense in a world where he’s willingly abandoned his friends and family for years.

    The last Jedi isn’t perfect and a lot of it could’ve been trimmed down, there’s probably a better movie in there somewhere but it’s definitely not the one the fans wrote in their heads.

  18. Most of the complaints have come from hardcore Star Wars fans.
    Hardcore fans of anything are the hardest to please because they think they know everything.

  19. If you can lights speed things into other things, why do you even need a Deathstar? You'd be able to destroy any planet by light-speeding a big enough ship into it, and it would be even harder to counter.

  20. Can’t we at least all agree that the casino sequence is absolute shit? The movie doesn’t need to be a masterpiece or absolute trash. It can be just a decent movie with great scenes but also a lot of flaws.

  21. I thought it was fine, just kind of dull and derivative. Feels like it's time for the story to take a new direction.

  22. A lot of these are pretty poor responses and they don't even address some of the more egregious issues with the movie.

  23. David I'm not bothering to read it cos any TLJ talk makes me twitchy, but I'm just curious if it does anything for your complaints :D

  24. Cracked 10 years ago would've ripped this shit movie a new asshole. Seanbaby himself would've challenged Rian Johnson himself to a night in the octagon.

  25. Pay "true" star wars nerds in free tickets to get all the info then pay a high dollar director to make the movie then piss off the other 50 %

  26. half the "answers" were nothing but snarky bullshit. i have gained nothing from this article and whoever wrote it should just stop writing.

  27. Biggest problem: at no point did it feel like a Star Wars film. Been seeing them in theaters since 77. This is the first one I’ve only seen once with no desire to ever see again.

  28. Everything to do with Holdo was just piss poor writing, and Rian Johnson just clearly knows jack shit about how the military works. Despite being technically demoted, Poe was still a senior fleet officer and technically should have been informed along with a very select few. IF there was a mole, and the Empire found out , the list of leakers would've been very very short, also. And Poe's mutiny was perfectly valid, as Holdo's shitty plan was still getting people killed. TBH, they should've cut the entire Space Chase plotline and went with something else, but this is what happens when you give an Indie director known for more auteur films the reigns to the biggest series ever and zero corporate oversight. Like, this was the one time corporate oversight from Disney would've done the opposite of ruin everything.
    Here's hoping they bring Larry Kasdan back to write for Episode 9. He did a great job on The Force Awakens, even if it was imperfect (Rey).

  29. The Last Jedi was certainly the best Star Wars movie since the original trilogy.

  30. Gripes aside, which of the answers explains why its not good?

  31. The only character they didn’t kill off is played by the only actor that died in real life.

  32. "…as if she were a common futon."

    Niiiiiiiiiiice.

  33. Leia aka Mary Poppins flying in space nullifies anything that is good in the last jedi... It was a total embarrassment

  34. Far better than the force awakens. Plus it had Porgs.

  35. It just felt like there were too many call backs. Seriously, the colored milk is pushing it.

  36. Michael, for you buddy. Never try to deny what looking into Oscar Isaac’s eyes will do.

  37. My only gripe is that John Boyegas storyline added up to nothing in this movie. They accomplished nothing in their quest to block the active tracking

  38. That movie is stupid not bad. but stupid. Deal with it.

  39. My biggest gripe was that Kylo Ren destroyed his mask. Took away all the classic Sith menace and mystique for me...

  40. These were complete shit answers

  41. Lulz... the movie as a whole is garbage.

  42. How does this make the movie better?

  43. Nobody hates Star Wars like Star Wars fans.

  44. Chris Bringhurst, your thoughts...